My Very First Post: My Miscarriage Misadventure
Heads up: This post will be graphic. I will describe some pretty gross and uncomfortable things. I am not a doctor, and this is not medical advice. This is my story, plain and simple.
When I was told by my OB that I was likely going to have a miscarriage, I went straight to Google. I beseeched the gods who reside inside my Google to unveil the mysteries of this thing called miscarriage. What was going to happen? What would it feel like? Look like?
The gods who reside inside Google were either busy or uninterested in my heartfelt query. It might or might not hurt. Maybe have someone with you. Maybe grab a towel to sit on. That's it.
I want to tell this story for anyone who has been in my shoes or is scared she might be in my shoes very soon and wants to know more. It will be graphic and uncomfortable because a miscarriage is graphic and uncomfortable. But if you are like I am and have a need to know more, then read on.
The day before I miscarried in my 6th week of pregnancy I was spotting blood. It was rust red and there was not a lot of it. I have very light periods, usually, and this seemed to be like the first day of my period, just a passing nod to the fact I was bleeding out of my vagina. I remember thinking, "If it's going to be like this the whole time, this will be easy".
The next evening I took a shower around 6 pm. My back was slightly achy and my abdomen was a bit tender, but nothing even remotely worrisome. After dinner, I felt more wetness in my pad. I was told by my doctor that anything less than filling one pad an hour was normal, but over that amount and I should take my unhappy ass to the ER, so I was eager to make sure I was under that all-magical one pad an hour mark. I checked and I checked and I checked, for about an hour and a half, in a very obsessive manner. The blood was coming more quickly now, and it was turning to a brighter shade of crimson. The cramps were also becoming stronger, so I got my heating pad ready, took some Tylenol, and got my trusty old towel to sit on "just in case".
The heating pad helped for about a half hour. By then the ache of my uterus and back were becoming quite distracting, like spikes being driven into my lower back and stomach, so I went outside to smoke the first cigarette I had touched since I discovered I was pregnant, in what can only be described as a very nervous manner. The blood was coming faster, three-fourths of a pad an hour, the pains of contractions were coming closer together and with more force, and I was getting a wee bit scared. Okay, a lot bit scared. But I could do this! With the help of a ciggy, of course.
When I stood up in my back yard after smoking the hell out of that one nervous cigarette, I was feeling like crap, but okay in the scheme of things. I walked inside to join my boyfriend on the couch, but before I could sit down, something GOOSHED out of me and into my pad. I started crab walking, with small mincing steps, toward the bathroom, a mantra of "oh no, oh no, oh no" escaping my mouth. The toilet appeared, and thank god I tilted my underwear and pad to the back, toward the toilet bowl, because there came a very loud "PLOP" in the very quiet bathroom. It was a giant blood clot, almost black in color, at the bottom of my toilet. I had also filled up my pad in the space of 10 minutes. This change in events was extremely worrisome. I wondered, staring at the ugly-ass blood clot in the toilet, if I should be going to the hospital, when a fist of pain grabbed me around the middle and squeezed. It was as if a giant, who was very pissed off at me for calling its mother something unsavory, had grabbed me around the waist, and was trying to squeeze me in half. I felt another gush of blood accompany this new level of pain, and checked my pad again. It was half filled with one cramp/contraction. I changed my pad again, and went off to inform the boyfriend we were going to the hospital.
The ride to the hospital was easy, as it was 12 am. But I swear to you, I felt every bump in the pavement. It shot electric bolts of pain through an already very tender and angry uterus. My legs were shaky with fear and pain as I climbed out of the truck and onto the asphalt of the parking lot, glistening with rain. As I straightened up to walk to the entrance of the ER, I felt yet another gush of blood, but also felt it running down my legs. I had one second to feel embarrassed to be walking into the hospital dripping blood, when another contraction made me double over in pain. Fuck it, I was going in, and I didn't care how I looked.
Checking in was a breeze, a warm breeze of pain, fear, and blood running down my legs and soaking into my pants. My boyfriend found me a wheelchair, I put my trusty blood-catching towel in the seat of the chair, and proceeded to wait. The room was packed and I overheard someone say that they didn't have any beds. Lucky me, I thought, as miserable wave after wave of contractions hit me and more blood ran out of me. Suddenly I became very dizzy. I began to sweat like I was standing 5 feet away from the surface of the sun. I couldn't focus my eyes. I became very thirsty. I became very scared.
The End (Part 1)
