My Very First Post: My Miscarriage Misadventure (Part Two)
Heads up: This post will be graphic. I will describe some pretty gross and uncomfortable things. I am not a doctor, and this is not medical advice. This is my story, plain and simple.
My boyfriend stood next to me so I could rest my head up against his side. The waiting room in the ER was packed, but strangely my hearing seemed to have faded, as if I was wrapped in a thick cotton blanket. My vision went blurry, I couldn't focus, and sometimes I couldn't even make my eyes go where I wanted them to. And I was sweaty. The room was not in the least bit hot, in fact I had been cold just a minute ago, hadn't I? As the strength ebbed out of my limbs, and my head became almost too heavy to lift, I suddenly realized I should be very scared.
A face seemed to appear out of nowhere. It was a nurse, crouching down in front of me, reaching out with a cuff to take my blood pressure. "You look pretty pale," she said, concern laced through her tone. I remember that my BP was lower than normal, but I'd be guessing if I gave you any numbers. "It's still in the normal range," she opined, but by looking back at me over her shoulder as she walked away she took some of the confidence away from her words. I was still scared, but I knew I probably might not pass out in the waiting room without anyone knowing. Ah, but I had positioned myself in the very front of the room, like an overeager child in the front of the class, and my instincts had paid off; I was extremely visible to the nurse staff behind the counter.
The contraction/cramping pain came in giant tsunami waves, about 2 minutes apart. The dizziness was making my body unwieldy, uncoordinated, and just plain awkward. Looking around seemed to be way too much effort, so I didn't. I just sat there, passive, leaking blood out of me, through my clothes, and into the trusty towel beneath me. Time passed; it seemed like a year, a decade even. My boyfriend insists it was maybe 10 minutes on the outside. Just when I was wondering if everyone would freak out if I just laid down on the awful dirty ER floor, the nurse magically reappeared. Suddenly my boyfriend was pushing my wheelchair through some doors, on the heels of the nurse, and I was in an exam room and there were three other new people in the room with me. Oxygen was put on my face. Sticky circular pads with wires coming from them were attached to my chest, and an IV was started in what seemed like the blink of the eye. Blink, oxygen. Blink, heart and breathing monitors, Blink, I was in a hospital gown. Blink, there was an IV in my arm. I remember apologizing for taking up an emergency exam room. Yes, I apologized. Sometimes I think I should've been Canadian. But what I remember most from this fuzzy, almost fun-house looking time, was the relief that I wasn't going to pass out in the ER cattle pen and wake up all scared somewhere else. They put fluids into me and got me some warm ass blankets, because I was so very cold. I relaxed.
The best part was that right before the Doctor came into the room to do a physical exam of all my lady bits, I was given a shot of painkillers. Sweet, sweet relief. Joyous relief. Hats off to the women who give birth without an epidural! I salute you brave ladies. I know from my miscarriage that a natural birth is not for me. I hate needles, but please stab me in the spine to make the pain go away.
I had made a horrible joke to the Doctor in the white coat who had appeared in my room to look me over after I had stabilized. He said a pelvic exam would be done, and I said, "I feel sorry for the doctor who has to exam this mess," gesturing to my nether regions with a dramatic sweep of my hand. I hadn't been given pain meds yet, so I will blame my lapse in thinking on the horrible abdominal pain that hadn't magically disappeared yet. Because it was obviously him who strolled back into my room to give me said exam. I told him, "I wouldn't have made that horrible joke if I had known it would be you who gave the exam.". Of course it was him who would give me the exam. Who the hell else would it be? I felt very let down by my brain. The Doctor just laughed and was really cool and not stuffy at all for the rest of my stay at the hospital, so maybe my awkwardness broke the ice? I don't know, I'm just reaching.
After the pain medication hit my system, it was an effort to stay awake and aware from then on. I had an ultrasound to make sure all of the blood clots and tissue had made it out of my uterus. The technician couldn't legally answer any questions about my scans, but did answer a lot of other nifty things my pain meds mind could think of. Like, how deep inside a body can an ultrasound machine see? (Pretty far, but it loses focus with depth) Could gas block it? (Yes) Back in my room I was told I had one more blood clot to pass, but that it looked like everything else was out. One of the nurses had helped me into a diaper looking thing so I could relax without having to worry about getting blood everywhere, so after hearing this good news I promptly fell asleep. It's funny how in certain circumstances having an adult diaper on (it had sticky sides to hold it to your waist just like a baby diaper) can make you feel so relieved you would do a happy dance if you had more energy.
After that I napped and felt no pain (thank you pain medication!). Around 7 am I was released from the hospital. I don't think I have ever been so happy to be home. It's been almost four days since my miscarriage ended, and I'm still bleeding, just a little bit. It was harrowing, both mentally and physically, but I managed to make it through, and so can you.
The End.
