Some Days My Thoughts Are Like Ants

Except ants get things done.

Friday and Saturday were busy days for me. I was occupied all day watching the inauguration of Donald Trump (still weird to say), and the next day was spent being domestic and getting stuff done (yay!), looking at new model homes opening up just north of where I live (floor plans are a thing of mine), and hanging out at my parents house with my boyfriend, where the 'rents cooked food and we all ate and and laughed at jokes and had a good time. 

So today, knowing I have done absolutely nothing on the writing front for two days, I sat down at the computer with determination. I was going to write all sorts of insightful and funny things. I was going to lengthen my streak-of-doing-stuff to two whole days! Hell yeah, and take that anxiety tiger!

But nothing came to me but a few flutters and wisps of ideas that appeared and then floated back off into the Vault of Creativity without letting me get a good look at them, let alone grasp them. So I started a few new posts, mainly to remind me of what I was thinking of, for when I can pay attention to anything for more than five seconds at a time. I even made a good effort in editing and finishing up a few almost completed blog posts, but I ended up erasing everything I had written today.

I think my brain is as gray and rainy as the weather outside my window.

Am I even going to be able to edit whatever this is? An ode to my anxious brain? A sonnet to the nightmare carousel that is my mind? I guess the carousel is just going round and round a bit faster than normal today. That's okay. I can't feel normal every day, or get stuff done all the time like a normal person, I know.

I just have to take the crazy-ant party that is my brain today like the punch on the chin that it is, dust myself off, and come back later when the mess in my brain is a wee bit more organized. 

It's frustrating, though. I want to get things done. How I want it! But as I'm writing about the wanting, my mind is skipping along Wizard of Oz style, from topic to topic, idea to idea. If all I did today was walk in circles and make different faces to accurately represent my mood at that moment, I feel like I might actually get more done than trying to sit here in front of this screen and write down coherent thoughts in a string of words that will make sense to other people.

After all, tomorrow is another day, right? Right.